Romance and Marriage in Estahiir

Romance
In Estahiir, romance is considered something very personal. As such, a number of romantic interactions that are completely normal in other cultures are taboo within the reaches of the Shattered Nation. A prominent example of this is kissing, which is exclusively done inside a home or when nobody else is around. Getting caught kissing in public is considered shameful. Anything more is viewed as a display of public indecency, resulting in loss of honor and a penalty in the form of a hefty fine or several dozen whippings for both/all perpetrators. Having intercourse outside of marriage or at the very least a committed relationship is also considered taboo, though it still happens behind closed doors, particularly among those in positions of power.

When an Estahiiri fancies someone, they will first get to know them through a series of conversations and simple dates such as stargazing or visiting a teahouse. If mutual interest is felt, the male is expected to make the first move by declaring his intention to court his love interest. In same-sex situations, either party can claim the honor of being bold by being the first one to act. When intention to court is declared, the other party is obliged to either accept or reject the advance. No honor is lost unless someone declares intention to court on someone who is already being courted or is married, or if the other party refuses to give a straight answer.

Courtship
A successful declaration of intent to court initiates formal Estahiiri courtship. During this phase, the pair really get to know one another and forge closer bonds. It is not strictly necessary to get approval from the clan or caravan of one’s love interest in order to court them, but it is seen as a respectful way to honor the group of people they call family. Courtship sees the expansion of activities an Estahiiri couple partakes in, most notably those involving family. Through shared meals, sparring, and generally spending time with each other, the families of both parties get to know the person one of their own is courting or being courted by. Lovers will often greet each other by holding their hands so the fingers point up to the sky and pressing their palms together.

When courting someone or being courted, individuals are expected to fully commit to the relationship. It is taboo for those not yet in a committed relationship to share a bed together, but even sharing a room may be considered undesirable by very traditional Estahiiri. Engaging in any sort of romantic or sexual relationship outside of the one an Estahiiri commits themselves to is seen a stain on their honor. There is no particular bias against the lower rungs of society when it comes to courtship, only when someone is suspected of involvement in dishonorable criminal activities or treason. Unilaterally breaking off a courtship is dishonorable, but so is refusing to let someone who has already subjected themselves to such dishonor go. Dishonor can be avoided if both parties agree the courtship was not meant to be, cancelling it bilaterally.

Gifts are a common part of Estahiiri courtship. Much time is spent by suitors trying to figure out what their love interest likes, even before intention to court is declared. Once it has, both parties will try to gift each other things their heart desires. Many Estahiiri find this one of the most fun aspects of courtship, and challenge themselves by gifting obscure items they only found out their partner liked by talking to others in their social circle.

Engagement
In order to be wed, the person who originally initiated the courtship must declare intent to marry. The other party may not accept yet, for both parties have to prove themselves to the gods in order to get their blessing for formal engagement. Each Celestial has a trial associated with them. The trials one faces depends on the deities they personally worship. Being the main Celestial of the pantheon, the trial of Komaris is by far the most common trial aspiring husbands and wives face. However, it is fairly common for those following a balanced approach to religion to subject themselves to the trial of Maramel as well. In some cases, a couple may even choose to do all three trials to truly prove they are meant for one another. Completion of a trial grants the trial-goer a specially carved bead with the image of a sun, moon, or star that must be worn visibly in the hair. When both parties have collected all beads associated with their religion, they are formally engaged to be married.

☀ Trial of Komaris ☀
The Trial of Komaris is centered around martial strength and honor. Completing it signifies one’s willingness to fight and, if need be, sacrifice themselves for their relationship. First, the trial-goer must speak with the family of their intended in private and declare his or her intent to them. A member of the family then chooses a skilled fighter. In case the trial-goer is also doing the Trial of Maramel, the patriarch of the family will choose. One week later, the trial-goer duels the family’s chosen champion in single combat. They need not win, merely satisfy honor by proving their worth to the champion. Warlords and old clans are known to pick enemies of the challenger or old love interests of whomever the trial-goer is courting, considerably raising the stakes- and potential lethality, of these duels.

☾ Trial of Maramel ☾
The Trial of Maramel is centered around resilience and loyalty. Completing it signifies one’s ability to resist temptations when they are at their weakest, even in the face of death. As with the Trial of Komaris, trial-goers must speak with the family of their intended in private and declare intent to marry. A place in the vicinity of the city is chosen by the family. In case the trial-goer is also doing the Trial of Komaris, the matriarch of the family will choose. For an entire week, the trial-goer must survive at the location of choice. Eating is prohibited, despite food and water being brought up by the family once every day. The water is left to partially evaporate during the day, while what remains may be consumed at night. Warlords and old clans increase the difficulty of this trial by choosing a location with harsh environmental conditions and by providing food and drink more tempting than basic rice and water.

☆ Trial of Kowithu ☆
The Trial of Kowithu is centered around perseverance, self-reflection, and hardship. Completing it signifies one’s willingness to venture into the unknown and overcome uncertain times, always returning to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. As with the trials for the main Celestials, trial-goers must first speak to the family of their intended in private and declare intent to marry. Among the Outriders, the leaders of the caravan often substitute direct family for recent additions. They will name an item, usually a rare object located far away, which the trial-goer must retrieve all by themselves. Help and companionship are not permitted during the trial. The trial ends upon successful presentation of the item to the family or substitute, with a lover’s embrace as its main reward.

Marriage
Estahiiri weddings are a procedural affair of many traditions. It consists of three parts; a welcome call and traditional dance, the ceremony itself, and celebration. The timing of the wedding depends on the religion of the couple. Those who follow Komaris have their wedding start at noon, while those who view Maramel or Kowithu as their main deity have theirs start at midnight. Estahiiri who adhere to a more balanced approach to worshipping the Celestials start their wedding at first light, as do couples where the bride and groom follow different religions. Weddings are important family gatherings and are treated with a lot of respect. Unless someone is in the military or has a good reason to be absent, failure to attend is considered to be an insult to the couple’s honor.

The first part of an Estahiiri wedding is the welcome call. During this part of the wedding, guests are greeted by the couple. The typical crowd attending an Estahiiri wedding are all members of both families, friends, and good acquaintances the couple frequently interacts with. Once everyone has arrived, a traditional dance is performed. This tradition did not exist before the Old Empire, and was introduced when more and more islanders immigrated to the southern parts of the mainland. Over time, intermarriage with Northern clans introduced the tradition to all of Estahiir. The dance is performed by a group of wedding guests, and is traditionally a posture dance with vigorous movements, stamping of feet, and rhythmical singing and shouting. However, in some parts of the North it is replaced by other, more modest forms of dance indigenous to the region. In either case, the dance is meant as a special welcome acknowledging the couple’s great achievements and feats of valor. Only when the dance is complete may the couple approach the altar.

The actual marriage ceremony consists of several parts. First, a priest will recite a tale based on accounts of experiences the couple had during their respective trials. What challenges they rose up to, and how they overcame them. Using a special type of Tantō blade decorated with Celestial imagery commonly carried by members of the clergy, the priest then cuts the strands of hair holding the trial beads, which are placed beside a chalice filled with sake. Vows are exchanged, and the couple each take a sip from the chalice. A common superstition is that without the blessings of the Celestials, the bridal pair will choke on the sake. Once both have swallowed the alcoholic beverage, they may embrace and touch their noses in front of the chalice for all to see, but not kiss as that is considered taboo in a public space. The newlyweds each take the hair and trial beads of the other person to forever serve as a memento of their joining even when life takes them far apart, which often happens to soldiers. Finally, they are led away to receive their marital tattoos while the guests start celebrating the now married couple.

While obviously meant as a celebration of union between the bride and groom, this part of the wedding has a dual purpose in helping the social circles of the newlyweds bond. While the couple are still having their tattoos inked onto them, the guests mingle. Once the pair returns with a new set of tattoos, a small banquet is served alongside the festivities, which otherwise include dance and competitions. One particular game of interest is one played by the parents of the groom and bride where food items such as chestnuts or dried persimmons are tossed at the bride and groom respectively, who have to try catching them using their wedding attire as nets. It is a predictive endeavor during which each food item caught is said to symbolize a son or daughter the couple will have. While the specifics vary by region, typical Estahiiri wedding attire consists of traditional garments (similar to IRL Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, and Maori wedding attire) and dresses for both men and women, predominantly featuring the color red. All guests are expected to wear ceremonial clothing for the wedding. 

Physical Contact
Contrary to many other cultures, Estahiiri are generally apprehensive when it comes to physical contact as a means to show amiability or affection. Touching a stranger without their consent is generally considered mildly offensive and strange, while accidentally brushing hands or bumping into someone are things an Estahiiri might consider apologizing for. Everyday forms of physical contact carry special meaning in Estahiir, as they tend to be reserved for specific interactions. However, the meaning of these interactions is only applicable in social situations. In combat, all physical contact is part of the fighting and social norms should not stand in the way of victory.

Giving someone a pat on the shoulder or back means you respect them and wish them good fortune. Hugs are a sign of profound trust and friendship, typically only reserved for one’s most loyal friends or family members. Handshakes are a foreign concept to Estahiiri, who typically greet one another by pressing their hands together and bowing the head. When greeting a person of much higher stature than oneself, one hand is balled into a fist and the bow is much deeper. Lovers have a different way of greeting each other, pressing their palms together. Because kissing is taboo in public, a common form of physical contact lovers engage in is touching their foreheads and noses against each other’s, which often accompanies the joining of the palms.

Marital Tattoos
Marital tattoos come in various shapes and sizes, depending on the couple’s preferences. They can be anything from phrases to depictions of animals to entire landscapes, but it always represents something that binds a couple together. The most traditional marital tattoos are set on the hands, with each person getting only half the total picture so the tattoo is only complete when their hands are joined. A more modern take on the tradition is to have a matching set of tattoos somewhere on the body, usually in a location that is visible even when fully clothed. Tattoos set for marital purposes do not always have to be identical, but they are complementary or at least similar in theme and style more often than not.

Divorce and Adultery
While rare in Estahiiri society, divorce is possible in case one’s partner commits an act of grave dishonor. The person whose honor remains intact suffers no consequences, but being divorced from brings further dishonor upon you. For that reason, a divorce must usually be won in a duel, as almost nobody would willingly agree to be further dishonored by a divorce if they have any intention of remaining in the city.

Adultery is considered one of the gravest insults to one’s honor possible. More often than not, it leads to a duel between the couple. A victory for the accuser usually results in the death of the accused, though they may be spared and divorced instead as an act of mercy, public shaming, or both. If the accused wins, the final result often depends on the reason why adultery was committed in the first place. In the case of a new love interest, the accuser often ends up dead and out of the way so the unfaithful man or woman is free to pursue their heart’s desire. If it was a one-time affair they consider a mistake, the accused may show mercy and give the accuser a chance to forgive them.

Brothels
 Estahiiri customs and taboos surrounding romance make it difficult for establishments of pleasure to be anything but reviled in the minds of most of the populace. Acting on one’s carnal desires by visiting a brothel is considered a dishonorable and undignified disregard for tradition. Working in or operating one is often seen as a shameful profession, only made worse by the fact that such establishments are often located in the poorest sections of the cities, away from the main thoroughfares. However, for those who care little for their own dignity and honor, it can be quite profitable. The clientele consists of individuals from all rungs of society, with those higher up the meritocratic ladder ensuring their visits are as discreet as possible. While homosexuality is not outright penalized in Estahiir, it is still considered strange and unnatural by traditionalists. As a result, brothels are particularly popular among gay young men and women.