Romance and Marriage in Tosgiv

Romance
Romance in Tosgiv is regarded as a part of everyday life. Public displays of affection are not at all frowned upon, and even viewed as a sign of a healthy community by many within the Empire’s borders. Relationships tend to start as flings, which are encouraged. Tosgivites will often experiment with multiple romantic interests before formally deciding who to court. This phase of promiscuity for many is not restricted by gender, though many are fairly quick to discover their preferences early on in life. The degree of experimentation also differs between those living in cities and those living in rural areas. In the smaller, more conservative communities of Belar and Feroz, the phase tends to be shorter and more geared towards finding a potential partner to marry and have kids with.

People looking for a fling will sometimes tie an orange ribbon around their left wrist to signal their availability to like-minded individuals. When a fling develops into something more serious, this ribbon may either be removed entirely or replaced by a purple one tied the same way in order to warn others to think twice before trying their luck. This use of purple ribbons can sometimes be confused with engagements; though engagement etiquette for those unable to afford engagement rings instead has the cloth tied around a finger rather than the wrist.

Courtship
Courtship doesn’t officially start for a Tosgivite until after they feel they have met the right person. Before that time, it is not uncommon for a Tosgivite to have multiple flings going on at once as they try to figure out who they feel for above all others. Some remain stuck in the pre-courtship phase forever, citing unreciprocated feelings, polyamory, or lack of desire to root oneself as their reason for doing so. It is a sign of serious commitment when a Tosgivite decides to break off other potential relationships to honor the one with the person they wish to court.

Whereas flings can cross class boundaries without being frowned upon, courtship in Tosgiv is generally done between two people of the same class. While some families view their son/daughter courting someone of the same gender in a negative light, it is usually more because they are disappointed the family line will not continue from such a partnership. Families living in small communities tend to have a more negative view on homosexuality than those in the larger cities. Nevertheless, as long as the pair still contributes to society, the nature of their relationship can find acceptance even in conservative, small rural communities. Same sex couples will sometimes take on additional caretaker roles; helping with children that have either lost their parents or helping in the raising of other children in the family.

The period of formal courtship is meant for each person in the relationship to try and impress both their partner and the families of their partner. They will often start with small romantic gestures to each other, and then move on to performing actions to impress the family members, like helping with jobs around the house or travelling to get supplies. It’s important to make a good impression on the parents of their partner especially, as they are the ones who determine if they will be allowed to marry. Giving extravagant gifts to the parents of a potential spouse is commonplace.

Once the courtship period is over, the couple will often discuss the potential of getting married before either proposes. This is to ensure that they can get permission from the respective heads of their families before proceeding. Often the courtship period will last a year or two, and most of the time the couple is sure their families will give permission before they even need to ask. On a rare occasion where permission is not given, the couple will either split or will forgo their family name in order to be together anyways. The latter is incredibly rare and often only happens in the case of someone from an upper class falling hopelessly in love with someone from a lower class.

Marriage
When permission to wed is given by the heads of house of both families, the parents of the couple will often give their rings to the new couple. Usually this is given to either the eldest child in the family or whichever child gets married first. If a man is asking for the hand of a woman, he will get the ring that his mother wore to give her, while she will get her father’s ring for him. These rings are worn on the right ring finger, and it is important to pass rings on to the next generation. The ring is meant to be a sign of the promise the couple made, which will then strengthen the vows and promises of the next couple to receive it. Younger siblings in the family who get married after both of the rings have been given out will sometimes speak to members of the community who married but don’t have children to pass their rings onto. If they can appeal to these couples, they can use those rings in their proposal. Once a couple gives their wedding rings away, they will either get a simple band to wear in its place or commission another piece of matching jewelry to wear instead. The simple bands to replace the wedding ring will sometimes be made of shells or wood instead of metal.

The proposal itself usually involves an exchange of rings. It is generally tradition that the partner who has a more prominent family in the community be the one to propose and they usually make the proposal a date that is similar to one of their first dates, getting down on one knee to ask the question and then offer the ring. The couple will often carry the rings on their person for weeks before the proposal actually occurs; in order to keep some sense of surprise. If a couple does not have rings, they will substitute and use a small piece of purple fabric, which they will tie around the finger in place of the ring. They will save up to commission their own rings after they wed in order to have something to pass to the next generation.

Weddings
Tosgivite weddings are extravagant community events that consist of four parts: a gifting reception, the ceremony, a feast, and a dance. Besides family and friends that may live elsewhere, it is customary for Tosgivites to invite their entire village or neighborhood to a wedding. Specifically not inviting certain members of one’s community is seen as a great offense, implying that you neither want nor need their support. Most weddings start in the afternoon and last all night, ending the next morning. People who attend a wedding are expected to gift something that they already owned. For married couples, this is usually something they received at their own wedding, while for others it can merely be an item they found useful. Every item gifted is thought to impart good wishes to the couple and to share a part of one’s life with them. Not gifting an item is seen as offensive and a way to impart bad luck on the couple instead, leading some to deliberately skip out on a gift as a silent protest to the marriage.

In addition to a gift, many wedding guests will also bring colored ribbons to the wedding. These ribbons are to be tied to the bride’s dress or groom’s jacket or vest, their colors corresponding to whatever the people gifting the ribbons wish for the couple. Oftentimes, this practice is made into a game where people will try to sneak their ribbons onto the bride or groom without them noticing who put it there. Orange ribbons are a fan favorite, as its meaning of passion is often playfully taken in the context of the bedroom for the purpose of the game. Thus, tying an orange ribbon onto the bride or groom conveys your tongue-in-cheek desire to see them perform well in the bedroom.

A couple’s parents are an important part of Tosgivite weddings. They often take the place of best man/maid of honor and are witness to the marriage. The night before the wedding, both the bride and groom spend the night at their parents’ house, wearing a green outfit to bring them luck on their wedding day and all other days to come. In Abfall, another tradition that occurs the night before the wedding consists of the community tying a bunch of undyed or faded ribbons along the streets connecting the bride’s house to the groom’s. These ribbons are then the ones that are often dyed early the next day to give to the couple at the wedding in the evening. This way, citizens who didn’t have fabric to start with can use one of these ribbons, and dye makers will often share the dyes they’ve made for their ribbons with their neighbors.

Tables at wedding feasts are often set up so that the bride/groom sit with parents and their own children. Once the meal starts, they are to go and visit every other table to hand out favors to the guests. Usually these favors are small ribbons on a pin, wishing good fortune to those present. In Belar, candied almonds are often served at the feast as a dessert as it represents the bitter and sweet moments that will follow in the couple’s life. More inland parts of Abfall take on this tradition as well.

Wedding Attire
Throughout Tosgiv, it is common for wedding dresses to be used by multiple people. Most wedding dresses are made in such a way that it can be used again for other ceremonies and festivals. Nobles will almost exclusively wear white on their wedding day, as they know they will not need to use the outfit again. Lower class citizens will often have colorful dresses and suits so the clothes can be used again. Most of the time, their outfits will be similar to that of the outfits worn for their festivals. If they do have a white wedding dress, that dress will often be handed off to another young woman in the community.

Ferozi weddings often include the bride and groom wearing a headpiece that for the groom is usually made of dried palms, and for the bride is made of colorful flowers. After the ceremony, the headpieces will be taken apart and then two new ones will be made of the materials, making headpieces for each of them that include aspects of both of the originals. After the wedding is complete, any ribbons the couple have received are tied onto the crown, which is left to dry in the sun and be saved as a reminder of the day. In coastal Abfall, they have started to adopt this tradition as well, but often make their headpieces look more like crowns made out of flexible wood (often willow or dogwood). The two crowns will be painted with different colors, then woven together at the end.

Wedding Dances
Dancing is a big part of Tosgivite weddings. Abfall tends to have dances that are more inspired by their flamenco traditions, but it often starts with the bride and groom dancing together, and switching partners as the song goes on. The song/dance only end when the couple reunite. An idea that they always return to each other. Belar has a dance that involves all the guests holding hands and dancing rapidly in a circle, changing tempo and direction as the music shifts until someone trips up or they tire. Finally, Ferozi dances are always quick-paced dances that focus on the movement of hands and feet. The married couple dances in the center, while the rest of the community dances in a circle around them. The married couple for this dance will often link arms or hold hands and are not to let go for the entirety of the song, dancing as one person to signify their unity.